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10 Fashion Trends That Need to Die in 2017

2016 was the year of the lace-up bodysuit. It’s time to move on. Please!

Dear Fashion,

You’re tired. It’s time to retire some of your old ways and do what you are supposed to do best: move forward. Here are 10 trends you should seriously consider saying good-bye to in 2017.

1. Mom Jeans

It seems like “fashion insiders” are always trying to push some weird frumpy agenda by championing the most unflattering clothes they can find, especially in denim.

2. Fur Slippers

These shoes are like a giant middle finger to anyone who isn’t ridiculously loaded. It’s like they’re saying, “I’m so rich, I can not only afford to walk on fur, I can let it drag on the ground around me.” Also, they’re just so freaking ugly. Blegh!

3. Cold-Shoulder Tops

Off-the-shoulder is great — it’s sexy and flattering — but cold shoulder just looks like you cut some holes in your top for no good reason. Is it supposed to be sexy? Who is turned on by a peek-a-boo shoulder joint? Designers, stop ruining perfectly good tops and dresses, please!

4. Luxury Bags With Faces

When Fendi first started making these funny critter bags a few years ago, people went nuts for them. How could you not? They were so cute and unexpected. A funny little novelty bag should not cost $2,000 though. That’s just wrong.

5. Unicorn Everything

2016 was the year of the unicorn. We had unicorn hair, unicorn bagels, unicorn cakes. Scientists even discovered evidence that real unicorns once roamed the earth. Those real unicorns died out a long time ago though. Here’s hoping this ubiquitous trend follows suit by 2017.

6. Kanye West Fashion Shows

It’s hard to say which is more tedious: Kanye West’s “fashion shows” or the way fashion people complain about having to go to them.

7. Lace-Up Body Suits

They used to be sexy and cool, but now they just feel tired. Bodysuits are still fine — they’re functional and totally cute — and the whole lace-up trend still has some legs; it’s just this particular combo that really needs to take a rest. A long, long rest.

8. Slips Over T-Shirts

This is one ’90s trend that could stand to go back where it came from. It was cool for a minute, but now it just feels affected. Wear the slip. Wear the T-shirt. But skip the self-conscious layering.

9. High-End Tour Merch

Remember when Justin Bieber decided to sell his Purpose Tour merch at Barneys for hundreds of dollars? The crazy thing is, people actually bought it. They were obsessed. $1,250 denim jackets with “Purpose Tour” screen printed on the back sold out in days. WTF, people?! Tour merch should not cost that much. It’s insane. Bieber should be ashamed of himself, as should anyone shelling out for that crap. When the revolution comes, the owners of Bieber’s high-fashion tour merch will not be spared.

10. Fitness Trackers

They are just so ugly and unnecessary. If you want to live a healthier life, then drink more water, eat more vegetables, actually exercise, and go to bed instead of staying up all night binge-watching Netflix. If you want to waste a hundred dollars on a hideous bracelet that ruins your outfit and screams, “Look at me, world! I’m counting my steps!” then get a fitness tracker.

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